October 20, 2018February 14, 2023 jathan

How To Get Stronger In The Broken Places – STEP TWO

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Ernest Hemingway said, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.“

How true this is.

And although you can’t imagine it in the beginning stages of brokenness, not only is a comeback possible, but a stronger, better you is well within your grasp.

But for this to happen, however, you must process your pain correctly. This series of articles will help you do just that.  

In the first article, we discussed Step One in your emotional healing process which is to simply NOT GIVE UP.

• Don’t give up on life.
• Don’t give up on the people who love you.
• Don’t give up on hope.
• Don’t give up the fight against addictions and vices that are trying to lure you in.

You will certainly be tempted to do so. And sadly, some do. Especially in those early days when the pain, like an angry ocean, just keeps washing over you in wave after unrelenting wave. 

In addition to NOT GIVING UP when that initial pain is so acute, you must also do everything in your power to prevent further injury. This leads us to the next step in becoming stronger in the broken place.

So, here it is:

STEP TWO = Slow Down. 

That’s right, immediately after experiencing brokenness, resist the urge to act on your instincts which are telling you to
move, move move.  Instead, reverse course and slow everything down.  True, you might need to make a few quick decision in order to survive the immediate onslaught, but determine that you will SLOW DOWN in the following four ways.

1. Be Slow to Make Major Decisions

This is the biggest temptation, and also carries with it the greatest potential for catastrophe.

When you’re hurting, you will be tempted to do everything in your power to ESCAPE. Once again, retreating to safety might be perfectly in order. But resorting to drastic measures in order to get out of Dodge will only make things worse. Much, much worse.

A few (but not all) escape-motivated temptations are:

• Quitting your job.
• Moving away from everyone who knows and loves you.
• Abandoning your family.
• Leaving your faith.
• Making a huge financial purchase.

Don’t get me wrong, these things might need to be addressed at some point. Just not when every chemical in your body and every circuit in your brain is in utter chaos.

During this time of emotional volatility it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to get the big decisions right. So don’t make them.

2. Be Slow To Speak

The Bible says, “The power of life and death is in the tongue.” And when you’re hurting, the power you lean most toward exercising is that of DEATH. Death, damnation and destruction.

The problem is that once those harmful words escape past your lips, you can never un-say them. And because your emotions are compromised during this time, so is your self-control. And what’s harder to control than the tongue?

Therefore, develop the mindset that during this time of emotional hurt, you’re going to be….extremely…..slow….to….speak….your….mind.

You might also want to make a list of people that you want to steer clear of for a while. Not that you won’t talk things through with them later, or be cordial when you see them. But if you’re going to go there, the time and your mind need to be right.

Words that gush from open wounds never heal anyone. but they can fill a mass grave faster than you can dig it.

3. Be Slow to Post

A season of pain is an ideal time to take a social media break. (Anytime is ideal for that) This is so for two reasons. The first is directly connected to “BE SLOW TO SPEAK.”

Things that you say on social media, digital though they may be, are processed in very human ways in the hearts and minds of the reader. And much like spoken words, once that irresponsible message is out there, the deed is done. There are no do-overs. And the days of deleting regrettable posts are now ancient history.

So, in this time of emotional vulnerability, be very, very SLOW TO POST.

But there’s also another thing you need to slow your roll on.

4. Be Slow to Scroll

Get this mental image in your mind.

As you open your social media app, you have one hand on your device and the other on the hilt of a switchblade which is sticking out of your chest. With your thumb you scroll, with your other hand you twist. Scroll, twist. Scroll, twist.

Stop doing this to yourself. 

There are two ways by which mindless scrolling can morph into knife-twisting. 

First of all, being that social media is a highlight reel of a phony version of people’s lives, it can get really old, really fast, to see how GREAT everyone is doing all the time. Especially in light of how much of a loser you’ve turned out to be.

This, of course, is a false perception. Your life is not as bad as you think. And theirs certainly is not as good they would have it appear.

But you won’t see it this way. Not when you’re hurting.

So, do yourself a favor and slow your scroll.

Secondly, since social media has become a megaphone for the passive-aggressive, the chances are great that you will see that underhanded comment that was, in fact, aimed directly at you. (Probably with a carefully worded hashtag or two attached)

Yes, they were talking about you. Yes, they wanted you to see it. Yes, because you were irresponsibly scrolling, you did see it.

And once you see it…

But you don’t have to see it. You have a choice.

Please put away the knife.

Conclusion

You might be hurting at the moment, but remember the words of Hemingway from earlier,  “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.“  

You are not only going to come back from this, but you’re going to be even stronger than before. Strong right there in your broken place. This is so because you are going to process your pain correctly. 

This includes taking the following initial steps:

• Step One – DON’T GIVE UP
• Step Two – SLOW DOWN

We’re off to a great start in this series, but we’re not done yet. Be on the lookout for Step Three to becoming stronger in the broken place.

In the meantime, I would love to hear from you.

What are some major decisions that the escape mentality has tempted you with making during a time of hurt? How did you handle it? 

Also, have you been tempted to say or post things out of anger, pain, or spite during a time of brokenness? What measures did you take to prevent this?

Finally, what is your social media policy during a time of emotional vulnerability? Do you need to slow your scroll?

Drop me a line in the “comments” section below and let me know your thoughts. I would love to hear from you.